Next day we take a train to Delhi. In the confusion of all the formalities, we almost miss it. We reach my relative’s place. Things are normal. My family leaves me alone. After a few days at my relative’s home, we come back to my hometown to my father’s place. I am taking medication daily and am able to sleep in the night now. My family is good towards me. My father medicates me. After a few days, he asks me if I could medicate myself. I say yes, I could. He then gives me all the records of the hospital and instructs me how to take the pills. I go through the doctor’s records and see my diagnosis.

This is a very crucial part of my life dear readers. I read in the doctor’s report that my diagnosis is schizophrenia. The moment I read this it occurs to me like a flash that all the people I am connected to are not real people. All the voices and hallucinations are part of this illness I have. It is like magic. The song, ‘Zindagi kaisi hai paheli haye, kabhi ye hasaye, kabhi to rulaye, hmm hmm hmm hmm,’ is playing in my mind. I have read about schizophrenia before because of my mother’s illness. I realize that I have been imagining things for the last few years. Even though it will take a lot of time for me to consciously imbibe this reality, it is a start to my cure.

There are some moments in life, which you remember as a life turning event. And you wonder why it took so long for these moments to come. I, witnessing my diagnosis, pass through one such moment. I am Archimedes shouting Eureka. Why hadn’t it occurred to me for so long when I was battling all these voices in my hostel room? How much of trouble it could have saved me! But dear reader, things come to you as and when they have to, neither sooner nor late. For some reason I had to go through all that pain during my PhD. And for some other reason, I have now known that all the people in my mind are not real. There is no use going into the reasons as they are beyond our grasp.   

So it happens that I stop believing in the story I had so extravagantly built around myself. I stopped believing there was a chip in me. I stopped believing that The-light had any relations with any men in my mind. It comes as a great relief as if water has been poured to burning wood. There is no more shame in taking bath knowing that others are watching me naked. There is no more shame in letting your thoughts wander for a while without getting reprimanded or laughed at. There is no The-light to pursue me in my wildest dream. The anxieties and fears related to the people connected to me vanish in one great splash. As if a meteorite has hit the earth and all the animals have gone extinct.

This did not mean that I am cured of the problem. The voices are still there. The visual hallucinations are still there. They talk to me; they make fun of me. They want me to believe in the stories. But I am adamant now. I have become enlightened and I refuse to believe in what they have to say. They get angry but now I know they are inside my head and can do no harm to me in the real world. So, their anger does not bring those dastardly fears which were so native to me during my PhD days. I have captured some control from them and do not need to succumb to their instructions.

I live alone with my father now. My mother has gone back to her hometown. He cooks for us and takes care of me. My father has a hands-off approach. He never forces me to do anything and I am free to engage with my whims and fancies. I am the king of an independent empire that is my room. I stay in it most of the times, only going out to buy cigarettes. I try to read amidst the voices. I listen to the YouTube videos of the writer who has been in my head for so long. I watch movies which are there on my laptop. I write blog entries which have no head or tail like my blog entry on mosquitoes. And most importantly, I look for a job.

I wish to apply to certain universities and business schools for a faculty position. I open up their website and start filling out the forms. The only problem is that I do not feel like asking my professors for a recommendation letter. Something in me does not want to go that way. A thesis committee member had already provided me three sets of recommendation letters. But most schools require two recommendation letters. I am uncomfortable asking the Professor even though he had written to me that he would give it.

A month or two pass like this.  My illness has taken a toll on my family who had already witnessed the problems of my mother. If I went sick again, they, like many families of people like us, would have to go through a great degree of torment. I am aware of this pain due to my mother. I did not wish to give it to my family once again.

My strained relationship with my father starts healing during this stay. We go to movies together. We drink at the local club. We talk as we have our dinner together. We are eventually sons of our fathers. A bond always holds the relationship in our hearts even though external events may sour them overtime. My mother wants me to come to her hometown to help her with the job at the University she was trying to get back. I do not wish to go there and my father too advises me otherwise. So, I stay put in that apartment going on with my life.

One day I remember that a mail had come to my official Institute mailbox. It was from the chairperson about a Dean from a business school looking for faculty. I check for the email in my inbox, and get the name of the school. It is a new business school housed in a young University. I look at their website and their only requirement for candidates is to send their CV. I prepare my CV and send it to the HR. I get a reply within a day. They fix a time for an interview in a week. On the appointed day, I talk to the Dean, who knows one of my thesis committee members and hence is nice to me. The next day there is going to be an interview with a panel.

The Wifi in my house is not strong, so I go to a nearby cyber cafe to give the interview. It is a general interview and I speak about my thesis. The University is in great need of faculty and not in a mood to quiz the candidates too harshly. Within a day I get my appointment letter. My family is happy. Nobody objects to it. I am to join the University in a month and a half.

The rest of my time goes by preparing for my assigned courses and thinking about the women I would meet at the University. Is it too early for me after what I have gone through to get into a job? Probably yes, but I do not consider this point. Also, I am confident I can teach. The voices are still there taking new forms as I prepare for a new challenge. But I am in no mood to let this opportunity go. Moreover, I want to get away from the life I am living in my hometown. It is too easy a life here. When the time comes, I pack my bags and set off for my new job at the University.

From now on, dear reader, you will get to hear more of conversations in this story. I am no more a man sitting in my room alone. There would be people around me. Hope you hang on.