We start our session on time the next day. The Traumafinder is already up and running. The scenes when I am being persecuted at the Institute are running on the screen and Boss is studying them. I look at the screen.

‘Kabir, I am going to tell you something that is not scientifically proven. It is hypothesized that the persecution in psychosis is caused due to the emotional abuse suffered in childhood.’

‘Like I did.’

‘Yes. So, you must at all count stay away from people who you feel are abusive in any way. And the feelings of grandiosity are the reaction of the mind to find the self-esteem one needs to survive. Tell me about the idea you have, the one you think could win you the Nobel Prize.’

‘Path breaking idea if I could prove it.’

‘Have you discussed with an expert?’

‘I expert.’

‘Yes, but have you validated it with someone?’

‘No.’

‘Your mind could have created this grandiose illusion around the idea, to cater to your depleted self-esteem.’

‘No. Idea has promise. Many great ideas come to scientists in the past in strange circumstance. Kekule dreamed of benzene ring.’

‘In your case, this is no divine intervention as you think it is. Traumafinder.’

The scene moves to when I was studying at the Institute library. I am reading a paper by a Harvard economist. I see the paper on the screen. It talks about the exact topic of which my idea is an extension of. I nod my head.

‘Now you get it. This idea of yours comes from this paper, it’s an extension of the arguments made in this paper, if I understand it correctly.’

‘Yes, you right.’

‘It’s a strange fact that unfortunately the economist died by suicide after the Nobel Prize Committee overlooked him for the prize. My only concern is that when you work on this idea you will be taken back to the traumatic memories of your PhD days. You have to come to a pact with your voices so that they do not trouble you. This can only happen when you gain a certain control over them. So, I would suggest you be patient with this idea and only take it up when you are comfortable with your voices. And better still validate it with someone if it is worth pursuing.’

‘Okay.’

‘Good, another important thing is that you stay away from all the people whose voices are in you. You don’t want the voices to get agitated. If they want you to get in touch, do it only in your mind.’

‘Yes.’

‘Another suggestion I would give is stay away from cannabis for the rest of your life. It is still not clear what role it has to play in your illness, but you don’t need to smoke it anymore. That is a safe solution.’

‘Fine. I will.’

‘Is there anything else I wished to talk about?’ she looked at her papers. ‘Yes, about your medication.’

‘Is it important?’

‘It is. For the time being. You should try and find an optimal dosage with the help of your psychiatrist. Once you think you are stable, you can wean it off with his help. Remember the idea is not to stay on medication all your life. Once you feel confident, you should put the dosage to a minimum, preferably getting rid of them, as they have severe side effects.’

‘Yes.’

‘I would also suggest you ask your mother if she still wants a divorce from your father. She has been a victim of domestic violence and you should give support to her in decisions like these.’

I look at her. She is staring deep into me. I nod my head.

‘I think I am done. There is one more thing left.’

She stands up and looks into the Traumafinder. She brings out a chip from under the tube. It is like a SIM card. She puts it inside a box.

‘Come with me.’

I stand up and start walking with her. We go down the building and she leads me to the parking lot. She opens the gate of an old fiat car and asks me to sit in the front. I sit and she drives me through the busy streets of Kolkata. After half an hour of silence, we come to the banks of the Hoogly. She parks and leads me towards the bank where few women are washing clothes with the river water. The weather is serene and the sun is shining bright.

‘Take this card which has all your traumatic memories in it and throw it in the river. Let Hoogly engulf all your traumas and take it down into the sea away from you. From now on, none of these traumatic memories should give you any pain.’ She hands me the box. I take it from her hand and hold it.

‘Wish Hoogly washes me off all these traumas.’ I throw the box with all my strength. It falls into the flowing river and the waters accept it and carry it away from me. We watch the box as long as we can make it out. It is floating peacefully. I feel my pains being washed away. I feel one with the calmness of the river. I feel a new life is going to start for me. A life without my dark memories. A life of happiness and positivity. Once the box gets out of our sight we return back to the office.

I see Boss order the Traumafinder back inside the floor. She locks the floor and then turns back to me.

‘We are done.’ She says.

‘Are we?’

‘Yes. Our journey through the traumas of your life is over. Now you can go and live peacefully.’

‘What if something triggers me again?

‘Whatever we have seen and learnt about your past, along with your understanding of the roots of your problem is now embedded in your unconsciousness through the Traumfinder. That is as we learnt, your unconsciousness got aware of it. Next time something triggers you, you will not react in panic but will have the wisdom of your past to react.’

‘I see. Has it worked with people before?’

‘Yes, with many of them.’

‘I feel relieved now.’ I said smiling and getting up.

‘Sit. There is one thing left.’

‘What?’

‘The conscious lessons you need. You still need some learning’s from your past, to fall back upon when in times of distress, if your unconscious is troubled.’

‘O.k. How will I know them?’

‘I will tell them to you in the form of theorems.’

‘You mean like a mathematical theorem?’

‘Yes. Like you solved mathematical problems by using these theorems, you can solve your personal problems by using the theorems I give to you.’

‘That interesting.’

‘So here are the theorems for you.’ She stands up and puts both her hands in her pockets.

‘Theorem 1: Never go back to your home in your mind. You are safe and secure now. Home is past.’

‘What does it mean?’

‘It means that if you are ever triggered by an unfavorable situation, don’t project the problems of your past on it. Look at the problem in a new light.’

‘Fine.’

‘Theorem 2: Sexual acts are nothing to feel guilty of as long it is not against the women’s wishes. Sex is liberating.’

‘That sounds good.’

‘Theorem 3: No more abuse and no more sadness. The world is full of sensitive and beautiful things. Never bog down to any abuse or anything that makes you sad or depressed. There will be bad times. Face them bravely. Enjoy the good times.’

‘That makes sense.’

‘Theorem 4: Everybody and everything inside you is you. Nobody can enter you and nobody can speak to you telepathically. Everything is you.’

‘That’s for my episodes.’

‘Yes. This is important. Remember it. If you feel that somebody is trying to get in touch with you through your mind, discard it immediately. That’s impossible.’

‘Theorem 5: The anger and rage in you have only one solution. Love and kindness. Be kind to others and show your love to people. That is what will heal you. No medicine can cure you apart from love and kindness.’

‘Right.’

 ‘Theorem 6: Forgive yourself of all your sins of the past. You have apologized to people whom you hurt. You will change some of behavior based on your experiences. Now it’s time to clean the slate and get rid of any guilt you have.’

‘O.K.’

‘Theorem 7: Always be aware of your emotions. Try to stay with positive emotions. If a negative emotion overpowers you, reason with it, or talk to someone about it. Be very careful when you interpret anything.’

‘Fine.’

‘Remember these seven theorems and move on. There is a lot of beauty in life and you have had enough of darkness. It’s time for the real light in your life.’ She gives me a sheet of paper with these theorems written on it.

‘Thank you so much Boss. Don’t know how to thank you for all that you have done.’

‘Oh no need to thank me. This is our work. This is what we are meant to do, dear.’

I realize it was time to leave. I stand up. She motions me to sit down. She looks at the walls.

 ‘And the most important thing of all.’ Says the Boss.’You have to promise you will never meet me after this.’

I am shocked. ‘But why? You have been such a wonderful help to me.’

‘It’s important for your own sake. You have to make me your past, something which is deep inside your consciousness. Something that you will not be concerned with, along with the other events. If you meet me again, you will be reminded of all that happened with you. So, promise me that this is the last time you are seeing me. No more after this. It’s also a part of the contract we signed.’

I could not believe this. But I nod my head. ‘I promise. Can I talk to others about you?’

‘Yes, you can. If there is someone who needs help, you can tell Sabina and she will get to me. But never disclose my name or my address to anyone. We choose our patients. It is not the other way around.’

I rise and hug her. She smiles at me. I leave the room with a heavy heart to go back to the hotel to pack. I have to catch my flight back to the city in the night.